10. Ecotopia
This novel by Ernest Callenbach is a futuristic vision of a new, divided America. The Pacific Northwest has divorced itself from the Union, Robert E. Lee style. Except, this time, instead of slavery and state’s rights, the issue is the environment. With our pale blue dot suffering under humanity’s brutal neglect, these American-versions-of-Canucks form an eco-friendly nation. A New York Times reporter is given unprecedented access to the mysterious nation twenty years post-secession, making for an instant futuristic Utopian classic.
Who the Runners think should act/direct: Robert Zemeckis has perfected the art of the stranger in a strange land. He directed Contact, Carl Sagan’s vision of wormhole travel, which we at the Runner love. As far as a star goes, Zemeckis and Tom Hanks work together well, don’t they?
09. Scientology Xenu Film
You heard us right. We’re imagining a hilarious comedy-epic here. Fleets of Alien soul-vaccuum starships trouncing accross the galaxy, weird! How will our frail race survivethe oncoming scourge of extraterrestrial warriors? A certain looney movie star will have to step up as the hero that will save the Thetans within us!
Who the Runners think should act/direct: Paul Verehoven of Starship Troopers can handle the campy goodness. Owen Wilson as the evil alien Lord Xenu, Tom Cruise as his ridiculous self, and Vern Troyer as Baby Suri.
8. Second Firefly movie
Not a Serenity sequel, persay. Our vision is more of a new Joss Whedon creative masterpiece based in the FIrefly universe. The television show is truly unique, with an unlikely fusion of dark comedy, gunslinging western action, and deep space travel. Nathan FIllian’s Captain Mal is the ultimate anti-hero, and has proven his ability to survive as a character on the big screen. Its unfair that such a fantastic show was cut down by the executioner after only one season. Serenity didn’t even get the praise and success that it deserved. Truly great sci-fi must live on! This one’s for you, Browncoats.
Who the Runners think should act/direct: We trust Joss and his cronies.
7. Stephen Hawking’s Universe Project
We here at The Blockade Runner believe that life imitates art. We believe that if there’s any one human who knows what’s in store for all humans, its Stephen Hawking. We had this crazy idea that someone really good could make a sort of sci-fi realist picture in the vein of 2001: A Space Odyssey, depicting a speculatively accurate view of space exploration. The catch, you ask? Well, we want this film to be loyal to Stephen Hawking’s Universe, and A Brief History of Time. Did we mention that Hawking has to be a technical advisor for the film?
Who the Runners think should act/direct: This has Darren Aronofsky all over it. His depiction of deep space in The Fountain used NO campy CGI, and was truly visually breathtaking.
6. Cormack McCarthy’s The Road
You can’t go wrong with Post-Apocalypse sci-fi. The author of No Country for Old Men hardly needs introduction, either. This is pretty self-explanatory; father and son trek across wasteland future-America while fending off cannibalistic thugs. Priceless.
Who the Runners think should act/direct: Judging by the masterpiece that is No Country for Old Men, the Coen brothers should team up for this one again. We smell another Academy Award… this time for a sci-fi film… it’s about damn time.
5. Halo
Fuck the studios for not reaching an agreement on this film. For the god’s sakes, even the humans and the Elites were able to work together when the stakes were high enough! Have you seen the test footage for the film? Shot with NO money, NO actors, NO sets, and nothing but talented camera work! Raw, gritty, brilliant sci-fi action. Peter Jackson the executive producer, had a sparkle in his eye for newcomer director Neil Blomkamp. The script was penned by Alex Garland, who’s repertoires includes 28 Days Later, The Beach, and Trainspotting. There was even a rumor that Denzel Washington was in talks to play Sgt. Major Johnson! Can’t you imagine Denzel charging into battle with his merry band of Marines against hordes of unstoppable alien zealots? I need to sit down…
Who the Runners think should act/direct: The production team for this film has already captured our attention, so we’ll stick with them. The story orbits around a handful of Marines and their perception of the alien-slaughtering war hero Master Chief. We can think of a myriad of appropriate actors to fill the Marine roles; Nathan Fillian (Firefly), Evangeline Lilly (Lost), the list goes on. Chief himself isn’t too pivotal of a role, but we have some ideas for a surprise revelation…the face behind the helmet… Daniel Craig, spartan?
4. Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
Ever since George Lucas developed a chronic, nagging urge to destroy Star Wars as we knew it, we’ve watched the franchise go through a decades-long, torturous demise. Face it, fanboys, Star Wars is a Taun Taun freezing its ass to death on Hoth, somewhere out past the second marker. It all started with that fracking Christmas Special, or maybe with the Ewoks, its debatable. Anyway, the point is, Star Wars can be saved. Easily. There’s a goldmine of brilliant expanded universe fiction out there waiting to be adapted for the screen. Most of us can agree that nothing would translate better onto the screen than Steve Perry’s Shadows of the Empire. Lucasfilm already capitalized the shit out of it with action figures and the video game, so why not go the last leg with, say, an animated film voiced by the original cast?
Who the Runners think should act/direct: The Wachowski Brothers, duh. Have you seen the Animatrix? Enough said. And as far as the cast goes, what are Carrie Fischer and Mark Hamill doing? Nothing you say? Available any day of the week, you say!? Well, let’s get started then.
3. Lost: The Movie
Lost is a large polar bear trapped in a small cage. All creative aspects of the show transcend the television medium, and are simply screaming for the big screen. The expansive mysteries of dark shadowy corporations, scientific organizations, and mysterious temporally-displaced tropical islands set the stage for one killer movie. The cast is a menagerie of criminals, adulterers, and pariahs, need we say more? Tell me we haven’t forgotten the Lost Pilot episode, so soon? Feature film quality, visually stunning, and directed by JJ Abrams himself, it was a promising glimpse at what it might look like if this big dream of ours came true…
Who the Runners think should act/direct: This is JJ’s baby, and we trust him unconditionally. Just a few ground rules… no Nikki and Paolo, and at least one Kate nude-scene. Thanks.
2. Marvel Civil War
Two years ago the Marvel Universe exploded into a bloody civil war, and the fanboys subsequently exploded in their shorts. After laying dormant for years, comic culture breached the mainstream once again with the Marvel Civil War series. Everyone from uber-geeks to hipster girls alike indulged in the awesomeness that is Civil War. The fact that Civil War incorporates our reality into the Marvel Universe (i.e. appearances in the comics by Larry King and his ilk) makes the story relatable. Bottom line: Civil War is marketable. But as we all know, there are more honorable reasons for making a movie than the great American dollar. Is it not every Marvel fan’s dream to see all of their favorite characters pummeling the righteousness out of each other for two hours in Imax? Come to think of it, maybe two hours wouldn’t be enough… we’re thinking an epic HBO miniseries.
Who the Runners think should act/direct: We’d put Paul Greengrass behind the camera for this one. He’s the Oscar-nominated director who brought us United 93 and the last two films in the Bourne series. Not only is his camera work sharp and creative, but he’s an avid fan of The Watchmen, from whence Civil War draws inspiration. When Paramount greenlit The Watchmen four years ago, Greengrass was attached to direct, and had already begun production. As far as the cast goes, we’d change everyone except for the actors from X-Men (we’re waiting for Iron Man before we pass judgment on Robert Downey Jr.).
1. Battlestar Galactica Motion Picture
Razor? What? We don’t know you’re talking about. We’re proposing a dark, full-length feature film here that can really capture the war and desperation that makes the mini-series so fracking amazing. We’re talking full-out cylon apocalypse, massive viper-raider dogfights, Colonel Tye’s eyepatch, the works. The cast have all shown themselves to be silver-screen worthy (especially Gaius Baltar, that treasonous David-Keresh motherfucker).
Who the Runners think should act/direct: In our universe, we’d put Ridley Scott at the helm, no question. Besides the fact that he’s Ridley-fucking-Scott (what more do you need?) he has experience with everything you would need to make a great Battlestar flick. He’s perfected the darkness of deep space sci-fi (Alien), he’s dealt with the struggle between man and machine (Blade Runner), and he’s displayed an ability to portray the fast-paced panicked brutality of war (Blackhawk Down). Clearly, the man for the job.
One a side note, we also think Joss Whedon would make a badass Battlestar Galactica film. Never let a man do a fanboy’s job.
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Posted in Feature Stories
Tags: battlestar, best movies, captain america, civil war, comics, ecotopia, evangeline lilly, firefly, galactica, halo, iron man, joss, lost, marvel, movies, nathan fillian, owen wilson, paul verehoven, sci fi, science, science fiction, scientology, serenity, spiderman, star wars, stephen hawking, tom cruise, whedon, xenu